Shelterwood 0809

Quite possibly is the most major, influential, and under rated statement of this entire year. This year has been hell. This year has been the hardest year of my entire life. I am even saying that over last year when I wasn’t sure if I had a place to sleep at night. I have hurt. I have cried. I have wanted to quit. I have wanted to call each and every child’s mother here and tell them exactly what I think about them and their screwed up kid. I miss my friends. I miss money. I miss freedom. I miss doing shows. I miss parties. I miss going where I want to, when I want to. I loathe work hours. I can’t stand the annoying, repetitive questions. The constant daily grievances I go through. I haven’t slept well in half a year. I have new shirts that are ruined. No car. I’m consistently broke. I’ve seen my mom 4 times in 6 months. My blood pressure rises daily. I have been through a depression. I have felt empty. I have felt alone. I have felt like no one here likes me. I have been negative. I have cussed. I have made the wrong decisions. I haven’t been the light. I made fun of the teenagers. Sometimes I wish I didn’t work here. Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep. I have run off alone to pray. I have started everyday off with God. I have stared at the stars wondering how this is possible. I talk to God daily. I have opened my bible more than ever before in my life. I have ran after him. I have sought light. I love encouragement. I love my peers. I love my mentors. I can’t believe I haven’t walked away from here. I have fallen in love. I seek guidance. I embrace criticism. I have prayed openly for others. I have prayed in the quiet for others. I have given up control. I present daily. I focus on people and love them no matter what. I pray for things other than myself. I know god is with me. I feel his presence. I have never held on to someone and told them they matter to God until now. I know who I am. I am not fake.I want Gods direction, and if this isn’t the place he wants me then I don’t want to be here another year. I am his. I chose to follow Gods desires over my own. I know that I have a calling into a ministry even if it’s not Doulos. I will be anxious for nothing. The Lord God almighty knows my plan, my future, my everything.