Oh Baby...

Well, I'm a dad.

It is official. There really was a baby inside my wife.

It is intense. When she first came out, via C-Section... wait let me back up and say this first...

My wife is my hero, honestly, any woman who has given birth, and gone through the pain is awesome, but I'm talking about my lady for a minute here. I have never been so proud of someone than I was of my wife to enduring that pain not only for the near 10 months of carrying that kid around but for the amount of strength she had stored deep within the loins of her soul. I mean it was so hard for me to watch, as a man, you just want to take all of your families pains away and carry them on your own, it hurt me to watch her. As I held her hands as contraction after contraction hit her like a mack truck, (which by the way is the professional doctorate way to rate pain, they literally say "How would you rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being slight pain, 10 being hit by a mack truck.") As that mack truck steam rolled my wife I could literally somehow feel the pain, it was weird. Then the epidural, my Lord, the epidural, people make jokes about how big the needle is, this was that joke needle, I thought at first, how cliche... this must be were that joke came from- but no, it was for reals. That needle was so big-how big was it- that needle was so big even Courtney Love didn't want to use it... ha anyway... Seriously like 8 inches long, and before they put it in, they numb the area around it with like a 4 inch needle, so she had that in her back like 6 times before they even do the real deal! They finally get ready for the epidural and my wife nearly breaks my hand, I'm not kidding- She squeezed my hand so hard-how hard was it- it was so hard that Will Hunting was standing there scratching his head... anyway, it hurt. The pain that woman went through just for that was astonishing, I have never been more proud of anyone.

Through the pain and the tears, it was all totally worth it. ONCE. One time is it. It's not worth it more than once, and if you have more than one kid, you are nuts. There is no need to put your wife through that ever again fellas. Seriously, youre crazy if you have more than one kid. I don't have any sympathy for people with 2+ kids, you did it to yourselves.

Let me tell you this, there is no english nanny that magically appears when you have a baby. She doesnt just show up at your house one day to save the day and let you go to sleep. No, No, No, No.... you are IT buddy. Everyone says, "Say bye bye to sleep!" and that is a fact. Now, I cannot go off on this too much because my wife and I have a great compromise, I work all day and she is stays home with Paisleigh. Which means, I come home give my wife about a 5 hour break, and then I get to go to sleep at night, which breaks my heart. Honestly it does. I feel horrible about it, but I know that if I don't sleep I will end up in prison for murdering everyone at my office which I don't want to do. My wife is a real trooper. She is stronger than I am, maybe not as in lifting heavier things-(John Mayer)(If you don't get it, just keep reading) but mentally she is amazing. I just cannot do anything but praise this woman for being such an amazing Mom. I could not do it.

Things you should know about babies:
1. All those outfits you bought, won't ever use all of them, take some back.
2. Family visits are amazing, lets you get sleep, and they take care of baby 100% of the visit because they want to hold her as much as possible
3. Buy Stock in this http://www.blairex.com/BLButtPaste.php
4. Crying doesn't always mean somethings wrong, chill out.
5. It's awesome to push babies in strollers, its sooo fun!
6. Always have clean Nipples... (for bottles...sicko)

New Blog.

Hopefully, hopefully, I will keep this up. It's pretty fun writing. I used to write a lot. I had since been quite busy with... Life. I will first warn you, I use a lot of uncorrect gramma... (thats a joke) but seriously, I don't need you, John Q. Reader to be a Judgey McJudgerson... I also use "..." a lot. It separates my thoughts, rather than using a comma, or period. Its how I talk...SO get used to it, clown.

I will be using this site for lots of things, blogging thoughts, issues, concerns, venting. Things of that nature. Also I will be posting my Jon Siron: Skinny Improv Resident Foodie ramblings. Where I critique various places I've been to eat throughout the week. So look forward to that jazz-

Anyway, this one is short, I'm at work- Might wanna get back to that...


-J

Psalms 139

Psalms 139: God is with us while we are sleeping and as soon as we wake up he is super excited that we are awoken!

Idea- While we are sleeping- I just imagine god sitting there next to my bed, maybe throwing pennies at my head, or tickling me with his giant white beard to make me itch my face, I wake up with shaving cream all over my face going what the…. Or maybe he gets bored and God dips his hand in my brain watching my dreams and laughing because it’s silly to him “oh Jon, look at you putting out a fire with Mickey Mouse and your ex landlord!” God puts my hand in warm water, I wake up and I’m soaking wet… guess I got a lil tooooo into that dream haha…

Did you know God’s super excited that you wake up, Standing there jumping up and down, clapping his hands asking a million questions going 9o mph, “What do u wana do today? Are you guna hang out? Can we talk? I love talking it’s my fav! You’re my bff Jon! I wonder if he is guna wear that stupid trucker cap today, who am I asking I already kno the answer! YESSS!! HAHAHA HE LOVES THAT HAT!”

Shelterwood 0809

Quite possibly is the most major, influential, and under rated statement of this entire year. This year has been hell. This year has been the hardest year of my entire life. I am even saying that over last year when I wasn’t sure if I had a place to sleep at night. I have hurt. I have cried. I have wanted to quit. I have wanted to call each and every child’s mother here and tell them exactly what I think about them and their screwed up kid. I miss my friends. I miss money. I miss freedom. I miss doing shows. I miss parties. I miss going where I want to, when I want to. I loathe work hours. I can’t stand the annoying, repetitive questions. The constant daily grievances I go through. I haven’t slept well in half a year. I have new shirts that are ruined. No car. I’m consistently broke. I’ve seen my mom 4 times in 6 months. My blood pressure rises daily. I have been through a depression. I have felt empty. I have felt alone. I have felt like no one here likes me. I have been negative. I have cussed. I have made the wrong decisions. I haven’t been the light. I made fun of the teenagers. Sometimes I wish I didn’t work here. Sometimes, I cry myself to sleep. I have run off alone to pray. I have started everyday off with God. I have stared at the stars wondering how this is possible. I talk to God daily. I have opened my bible more than ever before in my life. I have ran after him. I have sought light. I love encouragement. I love my peers. I love my mentors. I can’t believe I haven’t walked away from here. I have fallen in love. I seek guidance. I embrace criticism. I have prayed openly for others. I have prayed in the quiet for others. I have given up control. I present daily. I focus on people and love them no matter what. I pray for things other than myself. I know god is with me. I feel his presence. I have never held on to someone and told them they matter to God until now. I know who I am. I am not fake.I want Gods direction, and if this isn’t the place he wants me then I don’t want to be here another year. I am his. I chose to follow Gods desires over my own. I know that I have a calling into a ministry even if it’s not Doulos. I will be anxious for nothing. The Lord God almighty knows my plan, my future, my everything.